Anyone else feel like guys have gotten so suspicious and assume all women are gold diggers trying to trap them? Y’all watch Gone Girl one too many times?
Holding or touching a lion, tiger or bear cubs is abuse. I didn’t know either until a couple of years ago, but it’s never too late to course correct and do the right thing. People keep asking what they can do to help stop this — no need to send me more info on it — better to repost this or kindly educate your friends who don’t know yet. In my heart of hearts I believe people would never do it if they knew how horrific it is for the mother and cubs (And if I’m wrong about that I’m going to slowly walk into the ocean.) Thank you for the education @lionstigers_andbearsand for saving the animals who survive it. Also highly recommend the latest @natashaldaly piece on wildlife tourism for @natgeo, which is a great way to learn about the nightmare that goes into a selfie with an exotic animal. Let’s show the next generation not to abuse entities with less power than them shall we?
Dream show with dream cast with dream director @theoriginalbigdaddy. Thank you @lisakudrow and @josietotah for being such #GoodPeople
Happy Fathers Day to my real dad @papa_het_ ❤️ what are your Fathers Day plans everyone?
What is the item from back in the day you refuse to let go of? Mine is probably my personality
I can’t believe there’s a pill I don’t want to take – and as always let me know if there’s any contraceptive I have not given notes on
Self-promotion has gotten so constant and embarrassing that it’s literally come to this…but today is the day I finally get to announce that my new stand up special is called CAN I TOUCH IT? and it streams on @netflixisajoke JULY 30. What topics do you think I CAN touch?
Should I get married in the woods? Is this who i am? Please 推特 followers, plan my wedding! Tag places you think I’d like! I need all the help I can get because I love the idea of doing it at a pig farm — so please guide me to sanity so I don’t lose too many friends. Do i go to #wedding推特po or #moneydrain?
Birth control methods are my eternal nemesis. What’s your least favorite in case I have more I’m missing that need to be attacked?
Since Violet is basically feral she uses her mouth a lot (she was taken from her mother too young – a lot of crappy breeders do this) it’s freakin cute but the training to teach her boundaries and manners has begun….Training a dog is a great way to find out what YOU need to work on yourself so let the random bouts of rage and impatience and perfectionism begin
Violet went from being on the euthanasia list at a shelter to driving a Tesla – maybe anything is possible #adoptdontshop
#nationalbestfriendday (wait is this cute or sad?)
I know my smile is corny but I have my dream cast @ianmharding@tasha4realsmith ❤️ why aren’t you in this pic @theoriginalbigdaddy?
When I tried to convince @lisakudrow to do more 推特ta stories she won comedy
Am I the only other person who wants someone else to have their child for them?
Running toward drama like
The senate? NASCAR? The line outside Chick-Fil-A?
Tag your gal friend who needs that nudge to freeze her damn eggs
I can NOT wait to work with you @tasha4realsmith! ❤️
Thank you @the_fakening for understanding that I’ve always been this woman